Bonkers To Be Late
by RosieLilyIce93
Summary: Alice is finally back from China after three years. Now she has to make the decision to either stay in London with her family and perhaps be unhappy for the rest of her life, OR to honor her promise and return to her Wonderland and a chance at happiness. Her decision will have consequences for both worlds though.
1. Here nor There

Here nor There

Alice Kingsleigh tried to keep down the coughing fit that was threatening to erupt from her chest. After three years at sea, with nothing but the smell of salt water and tar, the smoggy, smoky, oppressive air of London was clogging her poor lungs.

Hong Kong, as busy and up and coming as it was couldn't even compare. At least the port city had been bright and colorful, not the grey, drab, thing that London was. Even in the seamstress's shop here in Piccadilly Circus, with its bright silks and satins, was dull compared to China.

And yet, even China was colorless compared to …

"Alice!"

Alice jumped in her seat on the settee. Startled from her impending day dream, she searched for the owner of the agitated voice. As expected, it came from her mother.

Helen Kingsleigh hadn't changed much in the three years Alice had been gone. She still sat ramrod straight, her hair grey-blonde was still gathered into a sleek bun, and still had warm blue eyes albeit with a few more wrinkles.

Right now though, those blue eyes were accompanied by an annoyed frown.

"Really now Alice, I would have thought after three years in the sea air would have cleared your head of frivolous fancies."

This new voice belonged to her sister Margaret, who had changed quite a bit. Particularly around the middle. Margaret was now expecting her second child, having given birth to little Andrew Edgar Manchester a year previous.

"Quite the contrary Margaret. The sea air happens to have a habit of blowing my fancies around my head at an accelerated rate." Alice quipped back.

Margaret laughed aloud and Helen's frown lessened as amusement took over. The seamstress however, cleared her throat in irritation.

"Miss Kingsleigh, if you would please make a selection on the fabric of your dress." She huffed.

"Right, sorry. What would you recommend?" Alice queried, trying to appease the woman.

"Well with your fair coloring, this one might be nice to make you stand out. Plus bold colors are the mod right now."

Alice looked down at the fabric and flinched. It was a deep crimson red, embroidered with black and white hearts. Alice's mind went to another time, another place. A woman in red, with hearts all around her. Hearts that symbolized danger and evil.

"Alice?" Her mother's voice was concerned. Alice looked to her, trying to school her face into a calm mask, but failed miserably to hide her distaste.

"Perhaps something in blue?" Margaret recommended helpfully. Alice turned to beam at her. Yes, blue was much more preferable. Blue was soft, blue was peaceful, blue was well … her!

"If you wouldn't mind Madame?" Helen Kingsleigh inquired firmly. The woman huffed and stalked back to the silk room. Alice tried and failed to smother her laugh. She felt Margaret shaking silently beside her.

"Girls." That single spoken word made both young women fall silent. Alice couldn't help smiling though. She was twenty-two now and Margaret was twenty-six and a mother to boot herself, yet one word from Helen Kingsleigh commanded them both to be quiet as mice.

Then again, quiet was not the word Alice would use describe all mice. Church mice most assuredly, but if the mouse happened to brandish a hatpin sword and insist on plucking out eyeballs …

"Miss Kingsleigh!" Once again Alice was pulled from her day dream by an irritated voice, this time the seamstress. Alice grinned sheepishly at the woman.

Without another word, the lady threw down several bolts of blue fabric. She then moved to the corner and crossed her arms to await their inspection.

Alice and Margaret began sorting through the fabrics, occasionally making comments but mostly examining everything in silence. Until …

"Alice…" Margaret's voice was breathless. Alice turned to see what had enraptured her sister and felt the breath leave her body.

In Margaret's hands was the most perfect silk Alice had ever seen. It was a beautiful sky blue and embroidered delicately with darker blue butterflies. The fabric called seem to call out to her and without completely realizing Alice gathered it into her arms, cradling it as though it was precious babe.

She felt herself choke up. Here before her was a reminder of a promise she had yet to keep, of the place that held her heart. Still, after three years at sea and now a full week back in London, she wasn't able to speak of it out loud, even to herself. Instead she turned to the seamstress and held the cloth out gently.

"This one please." She whispered. The seamstress, whom she expected to be exasperated merely nodded. Perhaps the woman had a sense of what Alice was going through but that didn't really matter.

"Please Madame Seamstress; please make it your best work to date." She couldn't help adding. Alice swayed slightly as the silk passed out of her arms. Margaret was already flipping through a pattern book and didn't notice her sister's odd behavior, but Helen certainly did.

"Alice darling? Are you alright?" Helen kept her voice down, not wishing to draw attention to her youngest child's apparent distress.

"Forgive me Mother, but I find myself feeling light headed. I think I need a little fresh air." Helen Kingsleigh felt alarmed. Alice was never given to fainting spells and had never looked so lost before. She gently reached for her daughter's hand and squeezed it.

"Of course dear. Go. Take a walk down the lane. Margaret and I will meet you at Cormack's Bookstore in a bit." Alice simply nodded, seized her reticule, and fled the shop. Helen could only gap at her hasty retreat.

Once outside, away from the swirl of blue fabric, Alice closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She hoped that the scent of the sooty air would ground her back in the present, but to no avail. Her mind could only think of THERE and not HERE. Trying to run from her thoughts, she set off down the lane. Still her thoughts chased her.

_Stupid girl…_

_Not hardly…_

_Alice! At last!_

Her thoughts consuming her, Alice squeaked in surprise after bumping into a gentleman loaded with boxes that were sent flying. Flinging out apologies and desperately trying to help gather up the over turned articles; Alice suddenly realized that the boxes were more than boxes. They were hat boxes. Alice slowly stood up and turned to face the shop window. It was a haberdashery shop and there in the window sat a handsome mahogany top hat with an emerald band. It was not THE hat and yet …

_Be back again before you know it!_

_You won't remember me._

_Of course I will. How could I forget?_

Alice pressed her fingers to the cool glass and willed the words from her mouth.

"Wonderland."


	2. The First Sign?

The First Sign?

Alice stood there staring at her blurred reflection in the glass. Yet it wasn't really her reflection that she was seeing. In her mind's eye, she saw it. Wonderland, festering with color and light. Wonderland, where creatures both familiar and strange would stop to have tea. Wonderland, where being mad was a good thing. Wonderland, where nothing was impossible.

"May I assist you miss?" A wheezy voice asked from her left. Alice whipped her head to look at the haberdasher next to her. The movement had given her whip lash. Gingerly rubbing her neck she made herself look at the man properly. She felt slightly disappointed. Hatters were supposed to be less, normal. Yet here the man stood, plain as the wall behind him. Sighing Alice finally answered.

"No sir, thank you."

Alice walked away from the shop window at a brisk pace. Actually she was practically running. Alice knew it was silly but she had to get away from all of it. The reminders of Wonderland in sharp contrast with the ordinariness of the haberdasher were giving her a headache.

They also reminded her that she had a decision to make and it wouldn't be a pleasant one.

Alice slowed her trot down to a halting walk. She had been avoiding the decision ever since England's coast line had come into sight a week ago.

Could she really go back to Wonderland?

She had fulfilled her obligations to the company and her father's memory. She had answered all of her questions, yet in doing so other opportunities had been opened to her. Lord Ascot had been so impressed with her work that he had offered her a partnership once her apprenticeship was at an end. She had made friends in the company that did not judge her as the rest of society did. Most importantly though, she had been gone from her family for three years. Did she not owe them some of her time?

Yet the fact remained that she had promised the Hatter that she'd be "back before he knew it." Knowing the Hatter, it was now long past "before he knew it."

Alice drew to a halt outside Cormack's Bookstore. She paused before going inside to look up at the sky. The Hatter and his madness were a concern. Had her being gone so long forced him to work with more mercury, creating hats to escape the thought of when she would return?

STOP!

Alice shook her head at herself. She was romanticizing the current situation far too much. The Hatter was a grown man with a life to live and rebuild back in Wonderland. Thoughts of the girl who he had helped to regain her muchness were probably the farthest thing from his mind.

That thought though depressed Alice to no end. She had looked for and found bits of Wonderland and the Hatter in everything she had seen in China. It hurt to think that he may have not thought of her at all.

And yet …

If that was the case, perhaps she wouldn't have to make the decision at all. If the Hatter didn't really care, then neither should she.

Alice stepped into the quiet shop and began to wander amongst the shelves. As she let her hand trail over the leather bound volumes, her mind continued to solidify the argument that the Hatter would not truly care if she came back or not. After all, her purpose in Wonderland had been served. She had slayed the Jabberwocky and made sure the White Queen wore the crown again. The Hatter didn't want anything more from her. Coming to an end of a row, Alice stopped and smacked herself on the forehead. The action caught many curious stares of the other patrons but Alice didn't care.

_Fool!_ She chided herself. Of course the Hatter wanted her back! He had asked, no pleaded, with her to stay last time hadn't he? She was being foolish to make up his mind for him when all the evidence was telling her she was wrong. Alice sighed in frustration.

She was back to deciding what the right thing to do was. Stay in London, the world she had always known where her growing family would be. Or go back to Wonderland that was just as familiar and held the family she'd never known she had.

Hoping to find the answers, Alice turned to the shelf she had stopped at wishing its contents held the answer. Staring back at her were the spines of books of catechism for children. Alice slowly picked one up and began flipping through it. The pages contained the prayers and signs of God she had been taught as a child, though had not really held her attention in her adult life. She stopped to examine a page of signs of God that the Church of England recognized.

Signs …

Alice closed the book, hugged it to her chest, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and prayed.

_Lord, I know we haven't spoken a lot in the past few years but things have changed. I know it's asking you a lot, but I need as sign! A hint! Anything! Tell me what I should do. I'm so confused now. Please God, send me a sign if I should return to Wonderland or if I should stay here. Amen._

"Alice?"

Alice wrenched her eyes open to see her sister staring at her in concern.

"Yes Margaret?" She fought to keep her voice from shaking.

"Are you alright dearest?" Margaret looked to the book she was clutching. "Did you find a new flight of fancy to read?" Margaret was obviously trying to soothe her and Alice was grateful. She gave a chuckle and placed the catechism book back on the shelf.

"No sister mine. Still have my own flights of fancy to sort through from the past three years before I can embark on someone else's."

The response caused Margaret to laugh aloud. She caught Alice's arm with her own and steered her back out onto the street.

"Mother wanted see if Signora Roseo had any new fan designs in, so I told her I'd fetch you and we'd meet her and the carriage there before returning home." Margaret explained. Alice nodded in acknowledgement and let her mind wander as her sister began regaling her with stories Lady So and So's fan from the last society meeting.

Suddenly a streak of grey brushed under their skirts causing them both to shriek and almost fall over. As Alice tried to calm her sister, her eyes sought out the offending flash of grey.

Her heart stopped.

There in the shadows of the opposite alley way was a large grey tabby cat, and in the shadows, its eyes seemed to glow teal.

"Chessur?" Alice whispered.

The cat flicked its tail, once, twice, thrice, and then it disappeared around again into the shadows.

"Alice? What are you staring at?" Margaret's voice seemed as breathless as Alice felt.

"Shadows and memories apparently …" Alice said without thinking. Margaret's extremely unlady-like snort alerted her to the fact that once again, her comments seemed out of place. At least here in London …

"Come now dearest, Mother is probably pacing by now." With those words, Margaret marched off. Well, at least as well as pregnant woman could march while waddling. The thought brought the image of a mother duck in band conductor's uniform leading a gaggle of ducklings playing instruments. Laughing to herself at the image, Alice set off after her sister.

Her laughter died however upon seeing another alley way and her thoughts turned back to the suspicious cat.

Fluffy, grey, teal eyed. At complete and totally Cheshire like Chessur cat. If it had smiled, there would have been no doubt. But it was impossible that the good Lord above had delivered a sign to her already! The little voice came back inside her head though.

_Only if you believe it is …_


	3. The Second Sign

The Second Sign

The carriage rolled along the road toward Hyde Park. Usually a trip to the park would have put a smile on Alice's face. Tonight however it did not. Because tonight, Hyde Park was the location Lady Ascot's welcome home soirée. And an Ascot soirée most assuredly involved three of Alice's least favorite things: Lady Ascot, London society, and Lowell Manchester.

Unfortunately all three things were unavoidable. The first two could be dealt with easily. Act like herself and they would avoid her and thus she would avoid being pestered. Lowell however she could not avoid. As her closest male relative, he was her keeper tonight along with her mother.

When she had mentioned the annoyance to her mother before they left, the woman had quipped back that all she had to do was marry and the situation would be avoided in the future. Alice of course hadn't appreciated the comment and had hopped into the carriage with a huff. Right into Lowell's lap.

The blackguard had been far too pleased for his own good to help Alice into her proper seat, brushing his hand against the underside of her breasts and derrière. Alice had only been able to glare at him before her mother and sister had entered the carriage.

Now rumbling along London's dirty streets she'd had only her dress for comfort. It had turned out beautifully. Lighter and airier than most gowns of the current fashion, it was also perfectly cut across her chest. She looked like a woman, but not one that men like Lowell would prey upon.

Alice looked at the man in question out of the corner of her eyes. Three years, one child born, and another on the way had obviously not changed Lowell's behavior. Even being in the city for only two weeks she had heard the rumors. Lowell, according to her valuable Chattaway twin resources, had a mistress on the West side of the city. An actress to be precise, one that kept rolling in fine silks and jewels.

Alice smiled to herself. Now that she was back, she'd be able to hold her threat to Lowell three years ago over his head more easily. The thought gave her extreme pleasure and finally put a smile on her face. Even in the darkness of the carriage, the act didn't go unnoticed by her ever observant mother.

"Something amusing Alice?" she asked.

"Oh just realizing that I have some promises I'll be able to keep now that I'm back in the city." Alice smiled evilly in Lowell's direction. The man paled noticeably causing Alice to grin wider. Her mother merely shook her head. The smile began to fall as she registered her own words though.

_Promises …_

A few minutes later they had arrived. Alice drew a breath. Time to face the wolves.

Alice leaned wearily against a wall. Her feet were killing her! She hadn't danced in three years and they were having a hard time readjusting to actions and missed placed toes of the gentlemen.

"Miss Kingsleigh?" The gentle voice made her jump. Looking wildly side to side, Alice caught site of the owner of the voice.

"Captain Williams!" Alice cried with pleasure. She leapt forward to hug the man. He froze only momentarily before returning the embrace with a chuckle. Stepping back, Alice to a moment to refamiliarize herself with his face.

Salt and pepper beard, bald head, laughing hazel eyes. Yes, this was the man who had humored her whims for three years with grace, often getting into the fun with her. He had taught her to play chess and shoot a revolver and she in turn had taught him how to brew a proper cup of tea. Seafairing men drank far too much coffee …

"How are you fairing my dear? If I remember correctly you typically detest these sordid affairs." His eyes held a trace of humor but she knew that he felt the same about such events.

"Tolerably well sir. I've kept up a running list of The Wonder's various parts and accoutrements to relieve myself." She sighed.

"Well, take a break and come join me. I'd like you to meet my family." With that they meandered their way through the crowd.

"Fanny! Jonathan! Come here, I wish you to meet the lady of the hour." Captain Williams called out. Immediately two people broke away to join them.

"Fanny, Jonathan, may I introduce Miss Alice Kingsleigh. Alice, my family." The man said.

Mrs. Fanny Williams immediately came forward to grasp Alice's hands and kiss her cheeks. She was a handsome woman, with her curling auburn hair and violet colored eyes. Her smile instantly put Alice at ease.

"Miss Kingsleigh! It is indeed a pleasure to meet you! Horace has been regaling us with stories of you adventures for the past two weeks and I've been so eager to make your acquaintance!" Fanny Williams exclaimed.

"Alice please madam, and it is a great pleasure to meet you as well!" Alice smiled.

"Fanny dear, if you please. May I introduce our son, Jonathan?"

The young man stepped forward and executed a perfect bow over Alice's proffered hand.

"Do I get the gratification of addressing you as Alice as well miss?" He grinned down at her.

"Only if you allow me the gratification of addressing you as Jonathan." Alice quipped back with a curtsey. Jonathan smiled happily.

They talked of the voyage and the company before Jonathan asked Alice to dance.

"Only if a Mazurka is suitable to you of course." He smiled easily at her. Alice couldn't help but grin back.

"Quite the contrary sir. A Mazurka has yet to put me off my tea!" And with that they took to the dance floor. The dance was fast paced enough that they didn't have to speak, which gave Alice the chance to observe her partner.

Jonathan had his father's hazel eyes and powerful build and his mother's auburn hair. For so tall a man, he wasn't gangly as he danced. In fact he was extremely graceful. He would probably be able to futterwhacken with no problem.

Alice's smile froze on her face. The memory rose like a tide in her mind. Hatter's futterwhacken. Such a beautiful dance. The memory of it made her breath catch. He'd been so happy during the dance and then she'd crushed that happiness with her goodbye. Alice felt tears gather in her eyes and dashed them away.

"Alice? Would you like to take a rest?" Jonathan's voice was full of worry. Alice could only nod and quickly made her way off the dance floor with Jonathan in tow.

They reached the punch bowl. Alice closed her eyes and tried to clear her head. She was rudely interrupted by a snide, nasally voice.

"Well if it isn't Miss Adventure herself. Hello Alice."

Alice slowly turned around, praying (again!) that her ears were deceiving her. Unfortunately her eyes told her she was not. There stood Hamish Ascot. He was as pale and as red haired as ever and had not lost any weight.

"Hamish." Alice nodded in his direction. It was all she could manage without mentioning her last observation.

"Did you happen to find `right man for you' on your travels or did all the foreign males realize your madness as us Londoners have?" Hamish's lip curled disdainfully. Alice felt Jonathan stir in indignation behind her. She reached out a hand to calm him.

"No Hamish, unfortunately the language barriers prevented that happy occasion." She kept her voice even. She refused to fall to Hamish's level. Jonathan though seemed ready to pounce.

"Ahem!" A high pitched voice kept him from speaking.

Alice looked to see a pale, dark haired young woman waltz up and slip her arm through Hamish's. Alice had an itchy feeling she knew what was coming next.

"Miss Kingsleigh, Mr. Williams, allow me to introduce my fiancée, Claire Beaton. Claire, Jonathan Williams, son of Captain Williams, and Alice Kingsleigh, my father's … apprentice." Hamish said the last word with contempt.

The young woman's eyes widened.

"Apprentice? A young woman of your station is an apprentice in … business?" The disbelief in her voice finally tipped Alice over the edge. Time to act like herself.

"Why yes of course. What else could an unmarried, unlady like lady possibly do? I suppose I could sit at a home all day and contemplate ladies in trousers and men in dresses, but that would be highly unproductive wouldn't it?"

Miss Beaton stood there with her mouth gaping like a fish and Hamish was turned a lovely shade of red. Alice smiled serenely as she felt Jonathan shaking in silent laughter behind her.

"I think the most productive activity for us Alice would be to leave the happy couple to make themselves less … "

"Thunderwhapped?" She finished for him.

"Yes, precisely. Shall we take a stroll around the grounds?" Jonathan asked happily.

Alice nodded and took his arm. Before leaving, she paused to address Miss Beaton.

"I would keep Hamish away from the rout drops. His indigestion isn't the most reliable thing in the world."

Miss Beaton's mouth snapped shut and Hamish turned a satisfactory shade of plum.

Alice and Jonathan laughed and walked out into the fresh air. Once outside they quieted down and strolled peacefully for a time. Jonathan eventually broke the silence.

"I must say Alice, you are the most interesting woman I have ever met. I'm glad to count you among my family's friends."

Alice flushed with pleasure but before she could answer, a little voice caught her attention. Except this time it wasn't in her head.

"Interesting? Muchness is the proper word! What a dolt to be calling the Alice interesting." The voice seemed to be coming from the flowers. Alice knelt in incredulity. She bent her ears to the ground but heard the voice no more. Her eyes scanned the ground trying to figure out where the sound had come from, when she caught sight of it. A single white rose, perfect in every way, surrounded by what appeared to be a court of other flowers. Alice caught her breath.

"Alice?" Jonathan's voice sounded so surreal.

"I'm not sure you should be happy about our friendship Jonathan. I seem to be becoming barmier by the second." She whispered. She stood quickly and began to walk back inside, leaving Jonathan in her wake.

Once back inside, she immediately ran into her mother.

"Alice darling slow down, a lady doesn't walk at such a pace! Now who was that young man?"

Alice looked at her mother and saw the light in her eyes. They screamed potential suitor. Alice narrowed her eyes at her mother and backed away.

"A _friend_ mother. No more, no less." And again she swept away. She let her eyes wander the crowd as she tried to forget her mother's scheming expression. Her thoughts were so far away she didn't realize where she was until she ran into her sister's chair.

"Alice! Are you alright?" Margaret's asked.

"Fine, sort of. Margaret, I think I'm going mad. Again." Alice sighed as she sunk into the chair next to her sister. They were in the ladies lounge, thankfully alone.

"That's not something to worry over dearest, you know what father always said about madness, all the best …"

"People are, yes, I remember. I always remember that." Alice said with a smile. Margaret smiled as well and took Alice's hand. They sat quietly for a few minutes, when Margaret suddenly gasped and squeezed her hand.

"Margaret? What is it?" Alice asked in alarm. Her sister's eyes were wide and wondrous.

"Oh Alice! Feel!" Margaret put Alice's hand over her swollen stomach. After a moment, Alice felt it. A kick right under her hand, from inside Margaret's stomach.

"It's the baby Alice! It's moving!" Margaret laughed out loud. Her happiness seemed to be spilling over, yet Alice could only smile.

This new event was just another tally, but it was one that created a tie. Tie between her staying and going.

Hamish's attitude Lowell's behavior had been pushing her to return to Wonderland. Yet now Jonathan's friendship and the baby were making her believe it was right to stay.

There was one thing she couldn't deny though.

The (talking?) white rose in the garden had been a sign.

The question now though was how many signs she really needed before she made a decision.


	4. The Third Sign

The Third Sign

It was Sunday, the day of rest in the Christian world.

Well, for everyone except Alice Kingsleigh.

There in the pew at St. George's Church in Hanover Square, Alice sat with in perfect silence, quite an unusual occurrence mind you.

But it was anything but silent in her mind!

Ever since the soirée she had been waging an internal battle. Her heart felt as if it were constantly mending and breaking at the thought of simultaneously leaving her family and abandoning Wonderland forever.

England meant being with her family, expanding the company, keeping up her friendship with the Williams family. It also meant having to deal with Hamish and his mother, plus London society expectations which of course included husband hunts by her mother.

Wonderland meant color, the best tea parties imaginable, old reliable friendships, and delightful madness around every bend. Yet in choosing it, she would be giving up the opportunity to be a fully independent business woman and a role model for whatever little creature Margaret was bringing into the world in only a matter of months.

Damn and blast! Why in this new, innovative world where there were countless new technologies improving lives was making one decision so difficult?

_Oomph!_

Alice felt a sharp jab in her ribs. Even after three years at sea her body knew what to do. She jumped to her feet, crossed herself, and raised the hymnal to being singing. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother's small smile of approval and her sisters barely contained laughter.

Sighing to herself Alice began to sing.

_Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;  
the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;  
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,  
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me._

The music continued on to its close,

_Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;  
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;  
Heav'n's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;  
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me._

This hymn, which had been such a comfort to her as a child, left her oddly aching now. It made her remember her father, how he would stand between her and Margaret an arm around each of them as they sang together. How happy they had all been in those moments …

Hymnals closed around her and the congregation was beginning to kneel for the time of silent and personal prayers. Alice knelt with them unsure if she really wanted to speak with God at the moment. The second her knees hit the kneeler though she found her inner voice speaking quite loudly to Him.

_What are you playing at sending one sign to go and then immediately sending me another sign to stay? Hmm? What's the point? I've already gone around the bend once! Are you trying to send me there again? Is this supposed to be some kind of punishment for keeping silent all these years toward you? Or is this one of yours the devil's little games like with poor Job? Well?!_

Alice paused, half expecting to hear an answer.

Nothing.

She heaved a sigh, receiving another jab in the ribs for her disruptiveness.

_Fine. Be that way. I'm feeling so lost and confused. Please, Lord, in whatever mercy you have left, please, be gentle with my poor mind! Amen!_

Alice sat back in her seat and tried to focus on the rest of the service. By the end she was fighting off a headache.

She proceeded up the aisle with her family but was stopped by Father Rowe at the doors.

"Miss Kingsleigh may I speak with you for a minute?" The older man queried.

"Of course Father. Mother I'll be there in a moment." Helen Kingsleigh merely nodded and went off to speak with some friends. Alice followed the priest back to the sacristy. She didn't have long to wait before he began speaking.

"Your mind seemed troubled today my child." Alice couldn't help but smile. Father Rowe had always been plain spoken. It was one of the reasons he and her father had been such good friends.

"Don't trouble yourself Father Rowe, I'm merely at a cross roads in my life and am struggling to decide which road to take." She was able to speak calmly to this man. He was so like the Man he represented, nonjudgmental.

"Ah, well I'm glad you mentioned that. You see, Widow Luckett is suffering from gout currently and is unable to attend to our Thursday child care service. She'll more than likely be laid up for a few weeks and I was wondering if you would care to take over in the mean time?" he asked hopefully.

Alice could only stare at him blankly before speaking.

"Me?" She finally squeaked.

"Yes! I thought the children would love to hear stories from you travels, especially the young ladies. You would be much admired by them and it would be a great help to me. Please Alice?" The man was practically begging her!

Alice stood quietly in contemplation. The request was an unusual one and seemed to suit her, yet something seemed off.

"Father Rowe, why aren't you writing to the archbishop requesting a junior minister to take over the position temporarily?" She asked. If he was going to be blunt then so was she! Father Rowe went pink in the face and shuffled his feet for a minute. Finally he looked her straight in the eye.

"Because Miss Kingsleigh, the archbishop and I are temporarily at odds. Apparently he didn't approve of my recent writings praising the rise in female independence in England. And I am loathe to ask for help from the man that would call one of my flock a 'promiscuous young filly.'"

Alice stood in shock. Then she burst in to laughter. She doubled over trying to catch her breath. Eyes watering she looked up at the bemused Father Rowe.

"I accept Father. I'll be there on Thursday evening." She said between great gasps for air.

Father beamed and patted her on the back.

The weeks fell into a pattern and during that hour every Thursday evening, Alice felt something akin to peace. Every Thursday she'd either begin or finish another tale from a different port from her journey. Father Rowe had been right. The children seemed to admire her greatly and kept up a constant stream of questions, which she was all too happy to answer.

She'd developed a particularly close relationship with little Josephine Conroy. The bright eyed little girl seemed keen on adventure of any and every sort. From listening to Alice's stories to then leading the other children on 'crusades to the Holy Land' she seemed to soak up everything Alice said. It was rather gratifying to know she was having an influence on someone so young and so like herself at that age.

In that hour she didn't think about Here or There. All that mattered was the children. Oh of course once she was home, safe in the confines of her room, her mind sink back into its internal debate. But on Thursdays she had her time of peace.

Until on evening that peace was shattered.

Coming out from the chapel that evening, Alice had been engrossed in her thoughts of her previous prayer. She'd taken a minute to kneel and thank God for being gentle on her poor brain that past few weeks. Neither a hide nor hair of a sign to return to Wonderland! As she stepped out into the dying light, she caught sight of a group of the children gathered around something, all talking quite excitedly.

_Curiousser and curiousser … _

She moved forward to question the young ones when something white ran off into the bushes from under the feet of the little group. The youngsters released a collective sigh of disappointment.

"What is it my lovelies?" Alice asked wonderingly.

They gather about her skirts and Josephine caught her attention.

"Oh Miss Alice! It was a rabbit!" She squealed eagerly.

"A rabbit?" Alice asked with a smile. Small creatures and small children always seemed keen on each other …

"Yes! A white rabbit! A white rabbit in a waistcoat!"

Alice froze. Her breathing became shallow.

"A white rabbit in a waistcoat?" She whispered, trying not to go to pieces in front of the youth.

"Yes! Hear, look! He left his waistcoat by accident." With that Josephine shoved, a blue, Nivens sized waistcoat into Alice's hands. Looking down at the garment, she could only think one thing.

_Very funny God. Absolutely hilarious._


	5. The Fourth and Final Sign

The Fourth and Final Sign

Alice had developed several bad habits aboard The Wonder including swearing, spitting, whistling when bored, singing off key, and generally acting like one of the male species. The worst habit she had acquired though was currently driving her sister Margaret to distraction.

Alice was pacing.

And she had been doing so ever since she had called Margaret to this meeting in their mother's front parlor.

Pace 1, 2, 3, 4, turn, 5, 6, 7, 8. Repeat.

"Ahem."

Pace 1, 2, 3, 4, turn, 5, 6, 7, 8. Repeat.

"Alice?"

Pace 1, 2, 3, 4, turn, 5, 6, 7, 8. Repeat.

"Alice!" Margaret huffed.

Alice paused mid pace and smiled weakly at her sister.

"Sorry Margaret. I'm uncertain has to how to dictate this matter …" she tried to explain.

"You should say what you mean. The rest will come." Alice couldn't help but stare at her sister. Those exact same words had been said to her once in what she once thought was a dream that had turned into her (soon to be current?) reality.

Alice momentarily envisioned her sister with a pair of Thackery's twitching ears. She struggled to stifle the giggle threatening to erupt from her lips. Seeing this, Margaret grinned and patted the sofa seat beside her.

"That's my sister. Come, tell me what's on your mind." Alice seated herself and proceeded to examine her sister's smiling face. It was so much like her own, only rounded with pregnancy and had a pretty flush to accompany the smile. Alice hoped that her chosen words wouldn't dim it.

"Margaret, what would you say if I told you that there were more questions I had to answer? If those questions took me away from Eng—from you and mother again?" Alice asked in one breath.

Margaret seemed to have frozen in place. Then as if uncertain of the world around her, she slowly rested her hand on her swollen abdomen. Alice reached forward to place her hand over her sister's. Margaret's eyes were studying her, the same way their father's had when he'd been alive.

"There's more to it isn't there?" Margaret whispered. Alice sighed and cursed their father's ever observant genes for making their presence known in Margaret at this of all moments.

"Yes. These questions … I don't know precisely how long they will take to answer. I could be gone for a few weeks, a few months, maybe even – "

"Forever?" Margaret stared intently at her. Alice could only swallow and nod. Margaret continued to stare at her. Alice felt strangely uncomfortable, seeing as she was usually stared at. She tried to identify the cause. Possibly it was that her sister's face held no emotion what so ever …

"Why must these questions be answered now?" Still no emotion. Alice frowned.

"Because I have this funny feeling I'm running out of time to answer them. Also, I made a promise, a promise that affects more people than me." Alice continued to frown. The more she talked about her return to Wonderland, the more she felt there was no option left. It wasn't a pleasant feeling for a young woman who had had the opportunity to shape a part of the world to her standards.

Margaret's face melted into a soft smile.

"You're so like him. So honorable, so curious, so willing to take the world head on. I sometimes wish I had half your gumption. I wanted you to be here so you could instill those qualities in the little one."

Alice felt herself choking up. This was not what she had been expecting from her sister. Disbelief, anger, yes. But this?

"Alice?" Margaret's voice was gentle. Blinking back her sudden tears, Alice grasped her sister's hand tightly and bowed her head.

"I don't deserve you." She whispered. Margaret squeezed her hand.

"So you've completely decided?" Her voice was still gentle. Alice fought to keep herself from throwing herself in her sister's arms like she had done when their father had died. Sniffling, she shook her head.

"No, not yet. I feel as if I'm being pulled in every which direction without a compass to guide me. I don't want to hurt you but if I break my promise, I hurt so many others. I wish Father was here! He'd have the answer!" Alice finally let a few tears spill over.

Margaret's hand reached out and tenderly lifted her chin. Her hazel eyes were the same as Charles Kingsleigh's, holding the same warmth and love that had been a buoy for Alice all her life. Could she possibly give that up?

"Then go ask him." Alice stared blankly at her sister. Surely she hadn't heard her sister say she should talk to a dead man. By God, Margaret had gone even further around the bend then she had!

"I beg your pardon?" Alice stuttered.

"Oh don't look at me like that! Go there and ask him. Listen to your heart for the answer and then make a decision." Margaret replied.

Alice couldn't help herself any longer. She surged forward and nearly knocked them both off the couch with the exuberance of her hug. Gasping for breath and laughing she kissed her sister's cheek.

"Thank you Margaret! I haven't received such brilliant advice from anyone but myself in forever!" Alice grinned. Margaret's answering grin was just as merry. Alice jumped up and called for her shawl and the family carriage. Before she swept from the room, Margaret's voice called her back.

"Alice, if you decide to leave, just promise me you'll make some effort to be here for the birth of my child. A visit every now and then would be a comfort to Mother and I." Margaret's eyes were twinkling.

"Another promise Margaret? Yes. Yes, that is one I will definitely try to keep." With those parting words and a smile, Alice ran out of her mother's house.

* * *

A few miles outside the city, the Kingsleigh carriage drew to a halt. A small, blonde figure alighted and slowly began to make her way through the grass. She finally made it to her desired location.

Alice slowly knelt on the earth. She reached a hand out and caressed the white marble slab with trembling fingers.

_Charles Gilbert Kingsleigh_

_Beloved Husband and Father_

_Born: July 18, 1819 Died: November 3, 1864_

_"Death is not but the next Great Adventure."_

"Oh Father." Alice whispered. Her hand fell to rest with the other in her lap. Rereading the words engraved in stone once more, she closed her eyes and bent her head.

_Where do I go from here Father? I feel so irresponsible leaving Mother and Margaret behind, yet it would kill me to say goodbye to Wonderland. You would have loved it! Everything seemed to burst with potential. I felt alive there for the first time since you'd passed. But now! Now I feel alive when I laugh with Jonathan, when the children beg me for another story, when I feel my little niece or nephew move within Margaret. In those moments here in England, I feel alive. But is right to live for only a moment? I'm just not certain anymore. Please Father, I need your guidance, one last time._

Alice slowly opened her eyes and then felt them widen.

Drifting slowly on the breeze was a butterfly. A vividly blue butterfly.

The butterfly landed on top of her father's tombstone.

"Absolem?" Alice whispered. The butterfly rose again, only this time to land on her nose. Its antenna tickled her nose. Alice of course had the good grace to sneeze, dislodging the creature. Somehow she could hear Absolem's voice on the breeze.

"Of course you stupid girl …"

Alice watched as he rose and began to float away toward the open country road. The same road that could either lead her home or lead her HOME. Alice watched him a moment longer before standing and brushing off her skirt. She marched back to the waiting carriage.

She had made up her mind at last.


	6. Goodbye For Now

Goodbye For Now

Telling her mother she was leaving again had gone over better than she had anticipated. Alice couldn't help but smile at the memory.

* * *

_"Mother?" Alice stood in the doorway to her mother's bedroom. Helen Kingsleigh sat at her vanity, brushing her hair before going to sleep._

_"Hmm? What is it darling?" Helen placed her brush down and turned to face her youngest child. Alice rushed forward to kneel at her mother's feet. She seized those pale hands, so like her own. She sat quietly trying to organize her words. This conversation had to be different than the one with Margaret. This one had to be more firm. Her mother would no doubt raise several valid points as to why she should stay, accompanied by several invalid points._

_You just got back! What about your sister and the baby? Don't you like taking care of the children on Thursdays? How are you ever going to find a decent husband with all of this traveling?_

_Alice grimaced at the last supposed arguments. She drew a deep breath, prepping herself for the coming onslaught. Before she could open her mouth though, her mother had placed a finger against her lips._

_Alice looked up in surprise._

_"It's alright. I've suspected this to come for the past week. You've been restless and it's only natural that you would cure that restlessness with movement. So go, travel some more. Find yourself, it's your life, just as much as it was his." _

_Alice felt her lip tremble. She was happy that her mother had accepted her choice so easily, but she was also slightly ashamed. She was only now realizing that she, Alice, was one of the few living reminders of her dearly departed husband. Her mother was right though, this was the life she needed to lead._

_But the tears still escaped at the thought of her mother's love and support. She rested her head in mother's lap. Helen softly petted her daughter's hair. They sat like that until the candle began to sputter in its own wax._

_"Alice dear?" Helen's voice broke the silence._

_"Hmm?" Alice picked her head up to see her mother's small, sly smile._

_"Just do me a favor. When you do come home, and you will come home to visit young lady, bring back a husband, even if he can't speak a word of English." _

_Alice let her jaw drop. Helen laughed softly and caressed her daughter's hair again. _

_"Oh Mother…" Alice shook her head and dissolved into quiet laughter with her mother._

* * *

This next conversation however was not going so well.

"What do you mean you have a promise to keep in a foreign land you won't speak of?" Lord Ascot was not one to shout. His wife did enough of that for both of them. Therefore the increasing volume of his voice was rather alarming.

"It is just as I've said Owen. I made a promise to return to this country I've been to on my travels and it is one that I must keep. This isn't a flight of fancy I assure you." Alice tried to remain calm. Owen Ascot was her father's good friend and the man she considered her mentor. He had almost always indulged her and much to Alice's chagrin, he was changing his tune now.

"B—but! The company! Your family! Your future! Your future with your family and the company Alice! What in God's name could make you abandon everything you've worked for?" Lord Ascot was turning a familiar shade of red. So that's where Hamish had gotten it from … Alice flinched at the pain his words were causing.

Alice had heard these arguments before. Albeit they had been in her head, but now hearing them out loud was distressing. But, Alice knew without a doubt that not honoring her promise would be more so. The Hatter's forlorn stare flashed in her mind's eye. It was then replace with the happy gaze she hoped would be cast her way when she returned. The thought caused her to blush. Lord Ascot of course noticed.

"Or is it a 'who' that causes this sudden retreat?" Lord Ascot stared at her.

Alice opened and closed her mouth, looking rather a lot like a fish. The blush on her cheeks spread even further.

Owen let out a great laugh and sat back down behind his desk. Alice wasn't fazed by his sudden mood swing. She had dealt with worse of course. She wasn't sure how to maneuver the conversation so that it didn't seem like she was doing this all for one man though…

"Yes, a gentleman is part of my reasoning sir, but it the land as a whole that concerns me. I – I believe I might be able to make – make some sort of … difference there." Alice finished lamely. Make some sort of difference indeed! As if saving an entire realm from one crazed monarch, a disgusting excuse for a knave, and fire breathing, intent on destruction dragon wasn't difference enough.

The point however would have been moot to Lord Ascot though.

"Please Owen? I need you for this. I need you to look after my mother and sister until I can return." Alice was practically pleading.

"Your mother I understand, but your sister has a husband to see to her." Lord Ascot gazed at her shrewdly. Alice straightened in her chair.

"Lowell is no true husband. He's … he's a …" Alice was struggling to find a suitable word to encompass her contempt for the man.

"A pig?" Owen wisely finished. Alice nodded and frowned at him.

"I see. Well if that's the case then I will do as you ask." He murmured. Alice beamed at him. She knew with those words, he'd given his blessing on her … journey.

"Well then sir, if that's the case, I should be on my way. I have an appointment to keep." Alice rose, curtseyed, and made her way toward the door.

"A moment Alice!" Alice turned around, curious as to what he could possibly want now.

"When you get the chance, bring your gentleman here please. I'd like to know just how mad a man would have to be to win your heart." Lord Ascot grinned. Alice flushed again, shook her head, and swept from the room, calling out her goodbye as she went.

She gained speed down the steps of the front entrance. But instead of heading for the road, where she could find a hired hack, she turned towards the gardens and the country side beyond. As she passed amongst Lady Ascot's now red roses, she couldn't help but grouse to herself.

"What is it about this world that insists that woman must be married? For heaven's sake most of our saints weren't married!" Alice picked up her pace.

She quieted down, thinking about the last time she's raced through these grounds. Then she'd been running from her future. Now she was running to it.

Alice finally reached the tree. The hole was still there, perfectly intact. Looking down into its depths she had a sudden, dreadful realization.

She would be falling toward her future.

Alice sat and swung her legs into the opening. She breathed deeply, gathered all of her muchness and pushed off into the black.


	7. One Foot in Front of the Other

One Foot in Front of the Other

The passage was dark as it had been before. But not dark enough for Alice not to see and dodge the various pieces of furniture, books, and the grand piano.

This fall seemed to be slower than the last one. Perhaps it was because she had made the choice to fall? Or maybe it was because she knew she had no real reason to be fearful this time. Alice bounced off a chair cushion and caught sight of the fast approaching floor-ceiling. She shut her eyes tightly and landed with a soft thud.

Alice kept her eyes tightly squeezed shut, held her breath, and began to count. When she reached six, the ceiling tilted and she fell to the floor. This landing hurt a bit more.

"Best tell her Majesty to place some sort of cushioning here in the future." Alice muttered as she gingerly got up. Rubbing her aching derrière, Alice looked at the room around her. Circular, doors placed systematically on the walls, a curtain, and a side table upon which sat a small vial of clear liquid, a box with a square of cake, and key. Alice nodded to herself and went to the curtain. Pulling it aside, she immediately looked down and grinned in relief.

There was the doll sized door she had such a difficult time with last time! Still grinning, she turned back to the table. She arranged the items in the order she thought was correct. First she picked up the key and held it tightly in her left fist. Then she opened the box and broke off the tiniest piece of cake possible. This she slipped into her pocket. The small glass vial was all that was left. The "drink me" tag was still in place.

Taking a deep breath and praying her actions had gone in the correct order, Alice took two swigs of what the White Queen had once called pishsalver. She didn't have long to wait. In an instant she was the size of a china doll. Letting out her breath, Alice raced toward the now proper sized door. Hands trembling slightly, she forced the key into the lock and turned it. With a satisfying click, the door began to swing open.

Once it was completely open, Alice had to close her eyes again. It was so bright! Holding out her hands in front of her for some sort of protection, she walked into that blinding brightness. Slowly, so to let them adjust, Alice opened her eyes. They then widened into saucers.

Wonderland was even more colorful then last time! Everything here had the appearance of pure health. Even the air smelled pure! Quickly pulling the upelkuchen from her pocket and stuffing it down her throat, Alice grew to her proper size to take everything in. Oh what a difference from the smog of London! Alice walked forward and tuned in circles, marveling at the beauty around her.

"Oomph! Watch where you're going dear!" Alice gasped and looked down. Her booted feet had led her into the flower court. Bending carefully so that her gray skirts didn't rustle anyone's petals, she bowed her head and begged the flowers' pardons. The white rose spoke for them all and gave forgiveness. Alice stared momentarily at the pretty flower before speaking again.

"Madame Rose, were you perhaps above some time ago?" Alice asked tentatively. The rose smiled serenely at her.

"Why would it matter the Alice?" her voice was coy. Alice smiled.

"Because it would mean that I owe you all a very heartfelt thank you." The rose's smile widened and the flowers smoothed their petals. Clasping her hands over her heart, Alice whispered her thanks. The flowers smiled and gently shooed her away. Rising, Alice cautiously picked her way back to the path. Placing her hand on her hips, she looked back and forth, trying to remember her way to the Windmill House. She bent her head and contemplated her boots. Inspiration suddenly struck her. Looking up, Alice closed her eyes and waited. She trusted her instincts and wouldn't you know it! Her feet seemed to turn of their own accord and set off down the path.

Alice wasn't sure how long she walked. She was too distracted by the swaying trees and grass to think about distance. It wasn't until a drawling voice startled her that she noticed her aching feet.

"If you're looking for the place you're going, you won't be happy to find it." Alice began turning in circles.

"Now don't make yourself dizzy love. You wouldn't want to spoil the landscape with your already eaten lunch now would you?" Stopping mid turn, a pair of bright teal eyes misted into view. They were soon followed by grin that seemed to stretch into eternity.

"Chessur!" Alice cried happily.

The Cheshire Cat took full form and floated before her. Chess flicked his tail at Alice's nose, causing her to sneeze. Alice smiled though and resisted the temptation to seize him and scratch his belly as she had once done with Dinah.

"Honestly love, you'll not want to go that way if you're searching out our fellows." Chess purred. Alice frowned.

"Why not? It's nearly brillig and I thought –"Chess shook his head at her.

"Sorry but the tea party has been relocated to Marmoreal by orders of the White Queen." Alice's frown deepened.

"Whatever for?" She placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head to get a better view of the currently upside down Chessur.

"I'm afraid that question can only be answered by sight. Seeing is believing, or so they say." Chessur grinned widely. Alice shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.

"Well if that's the case, I suppose I'd best get moving. We wouldn't want to be late for tea." Alice closed her eyes and once again put her faith in her feet. They shuffled momentarily and then set off on another path. She hadn't gotten very far before Chessur's voice was in her ear again.

"I believe some sort of reward is in order for my helping you hmm?" Alice pried open her eyes to examine him swinging back and forth like the pendulum of a clock. She crossed her arms and eyed him warily.

"What did you happen to have in mind?" She asked. Chessur merely grinned and evaporated. Alice froze when she felt something tugging her arms free. Before she knew it, Chess's head was floating beneath her outstretched hand. He winked at her and smiled cheekily. Catching on, Alice returned the smile and scratched him behind the ears.

After receiving a few approving purrs, Chess winked again and evaporated. Alice laughed quietly and set off. Her feet unfailingly led her on the correct path. This time though, she took the time to think about how to explain her long absence to the Mad Tea Party and the White Queen.

_Well you see, setting up trading posts in the Far East took much longer than I had expected._

No, she had known it would take several months to set up each post, on top of the travel time to get to each one …

_My duties as an apprentice to the company increased drastically and I just couldn't get away…_

Well, she had volunteered for every extra duty. It had been for the best though hadn't it?

The arguments and counter arguments fought back and forth in her head for the entire, hour long journey.

Eventually, Alice noticed the color of the landscape was beginning to change. Although it still felt very much alive, the colors began to fade. Her path turned and twisted until suddenly she was no longer beneath the trees.

The entire world around her was suddenly white. Just as white the marble wall she now faced. Looking up, Alice smiled at the castle just on the other side of the wall.

Looking like a sugar candy confection, the castle gleamed brightly in the sunlight. Alice swore she could hear the murmur of the cherry trees.

She had finally arrived at Marmoreal.


End file.
